Why is it that no one ever tells you being a Christian will be the hardest thing you ever do in life. I mean we all know Peter and he well, he is clear but when I read his letters to the Corinthians, well I think gee that's them. That's the old times. Well it isn't. Its here it's now. Being Christian takes hard work, it's not some mindless devotion, or blind following.
I choose Jesus. Everyday, sometimes every minute. I fail in my walk every day sometimes every minute but I get back up and try again. It takes effort to go against what I feel like doing to do what is right. It takes everything I have to hold on to him and his promises when everything screams just let go, It takes hard work to do his will and to hold on. No, I am not always happy and no life isn't always what I thought it would be but "Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere;" This is truth.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Ahhhh, the joys of bonding.
So as you all may know this journey isn't always rose colored and all peachy keen. Some times it can get UGLY, lol because we are human and well we fall short, duh! Basic Christianity 101 right. So we are on a shuttle ride back home after 3 appt. and a tooth extraction. We have just been told that, we have a Saturday appt. at 11:30 am. I know my daughter very well, so I can tell she is upset to hear this. Also She is 14 so she isn't really to concerned about hiding the fact that she is irritated. For those of you with teenagers, I'm sure you know what I mean. Eye rolling, you know the works. So she turns her lil' glare (wonder where she got that from huh?) at me and says " Why do you do that, isn't it enough that we are here monday-friday now you want to be here on the weekends to." followed by " I am going to give you the silent treatment now ok, so don't talk to me". Ok, those of you who know me, well you know that I wanted to smack that child from here back to California, but I didn't and like a good lil' momma, I turned around and yelled in my head. Then I prayed, then I text a friend.
I get it she is sick, and she is tired. There isn't much she can control. I get it. So, I try to explain that I get it, of course she ignores me. I try to explain that I am just given the appointments, that I too have no control.....Ahhhh the joys of motherhood.
I get it she is sick, and she is tired. There isn't much she can control. I get it. So, I try to explain that I get it, of course she ignores me. I try to explain that I am just given the appointments, that I too have no control.....Ahhhh the joys of motherhood.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Abba...
Where to begin. My family left this morning. I was a mess. My heart hurt in so many way, that words are not enough to describe it. So Lord, I know I've asked time and time again to be given a heart of flesh and for you to remove the heart of stone, but does it need to hurt so much, I mean this new fleshy heart hurts, maybe I'll grow into it. I think that's your hope too. Lord I am struggling here. I am tired. I'm tired. She is tired. This limbo state is making us weary. I know Abba , Your sovereign but I really need you to make your will clear to me, so I know that I am doing your will and not my own. Abba, ya think I might be able to get a prophet? Ok, ok thats a little too much I know but I just need to know. I need to know that I know. We are here because I believe you opened the door. I know that I've fought to get here but I know I've continued to pray your will over this situation and over my life. She needs your comfort Lord, please she hasn't felt your presence in a while. Please Abba wrap your arms around her. She loves you Lord but she is tired, and I get it Lord because so am I. I know that you have plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us. We just can't see the forest for the trees right now. Our souls yearn, even faint for the court of the Lord. Our hearts and our flesh cry out for the living God. I am so eternally grateful, for each day Lord I really am. Each day I am humbled by your grace and mercy. I choose to rest in you tonight Lord, for how lovely is your dwelling place. I choose to believe in your promises and I choose you. Good night Abba, I love you with all of my heart (my new fleshy one ) and all of my soul...
Monday, April 18, 2011
Peaks and valleys..
I'm so sorry I've been neglectful. I am committed to this blog but am also trying to spend as much time with my family as possible. So let me begin with all the medical stuff. Adrianna had 2 ordinarily benign viruses, but in her state, they were potentially life threatening--she was immediately admitted and was placed in isolation for 11 days. She had a CT and they discovered a mass in her lung. 16 days later no more mass, no more viruses. The doctors tested her 3 times because the thought they were getting false negatives. She passed her PFT (pulmonary function test) with flying colors and will not need to take that test again. Before the transplant can proceed, we need to get a few cavities filled and because of the disease this is not easy and she needs to be fully anesthesized. We have been discharged back to the Ronald McDonald House for now, and are waiting to resolve the dental issues before we move forward. So tomorrow hopefully we hear from the the dental team and may possibly get an actual "day zero" transplant date.
We are grateful for all your thoughts and prayers and all the encouragement everyone is sending via email,text, FB, and snail mail. They keep us going. I will be adding a photo album soon.
I have often wondered why? Why our family? We already have enough trouble without this disease invading and destroying. My alcoholism, and various other hurts habits and hang ups continue to wreak havoc but why this too? Well actually to be honest I have come to terms with the disease, but at times now struggle really with the waiting, the delays, the limbo. I ask myself and God what lesson am I missing, is this a consequence of sin? Are we missing a step?
Ultimately, God gives us a sense of peace and does not allow us to be devastated by these questions and doubts. HE sends us constant reminders that we are where we need to be. And keeps us moving forward--wherever "forward" may be. Please keep us in your prayers. Our family depends on it.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"
Isaiah 43:18-19
We are grateful for all your thoughts and prayers and all the encouragement everyone is sending via email,text, FB, and snail mail. They keep us going. I will be adding a photo album soon.
I have often wondered why? Why our family? We already have enough trouble without this disease invading and destroying. My alcoholism, and various other hurts habits and hang ups continue to wreak havoc but why this too? Well actually to be honest I have come to terms with the disease, but at times now struggle really with the waiting, the delays, the limbo. I ask myself and God what lesson am I missing, is this a consequence of sin? Are we missing a step?
Ultimately, God gives us a sense of peace and does not allow us to be devastated by these questions and doubts. HE sends us constant reminders that we are where we need to be. And keeps us moving forward--wherever "forward" may be. Please keep us in your prayers. Our family depends on it.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"
Isaiah 43:18-19
Friday, April 8, 2011
It's a pole competition...
So it's been a busy few days, exciting but busy. Our family is in town. So we have been going 100mph.
We have a praise report! They ran a few more test to check the cycle of the virus' and she had none!! The doctors are shocked. We aren't because we know we serve a mighty God. Now we wait for a final virus test to confirm the negative.She completed the riboviran which was the breathing treatment that required the tent. She had her final dose today at 4pm. Dree is so excited that part is over!!!
Okay so those of you who know me, well you know I have a very competitive side. So in the transplant wing we are allowed to decorate our (IV)poles. It's one of those things that we can have fun with and one of the few things we can control! So let the decorating begin, we've seen a few and plan to outdo them all!!! I'll post a picture of our pole when we are done. Wish us luck!! Dree started painting, She is so cute she made me go get some supplies. She is really enjoying it.
We got some flowers today and a twilight movie. Thank you everyone, we love you all and miss you all so much!! I am so amazed at how God works. We got a nurse who graduated from APU and attended CCV in high school. I've gotten 4 or 5 calls from local believers who have friends that attend CCV. God is amazing and so are all the people he uses to encourage us. She got such a boost from Pastor Jeff and all the cards, and emails and guestbooks emails. She knows she isn't alone, or forgotten. She is seeing God move and stands back in awe. Yes, she pouts and gets sad, and yes sometimes she thinks this sucks but all in all she is okay. All the nurses love her. God asked her to share her faith with one of the nurses, so I'll let you guys know, how that turns out because she is being very insistent with this nurse so I am sure God has a purpose. She loves to share her faith but never imposes it but she is being pretty persistent with this particular nurse,so we will see what exciting, unexpected outcome we get.
She is so 14, sometimes I tend to forget because her faith makes her so mature but I was reminded as we watched the sermon online on Sunday and she screeched so loud "OH MY GOSH MOM, did you see, Jeremiah Mullins is wearing my bracelet!!!!! He didn't take it off mom!!! She is so funny!
We won't know were we are in the transplant process until we confirm the negative, also we are waiting on another CT scan, and Pulmonary function test next week. Once the results come back from those test we will sit down with the doctors and review our plan going forward. Please continue to pray for Gods will in our lives and his presence. We miss you all!!! We love you guys, and may God bless you all!!! I apologize for the rant and scattered thoughts. I wanted to give you all an update but I'm also really tired. Good night and have a great weekend everyone!
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness ,nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.
Psalms 91:5-7
We have a praise report! They ran a few more test to check the cycle of the virus' and she had none!! The doctors are shocked. We aren't because we know we serve a mighty God. Now we wait for a final virus test to confirm the negative.She completed the riboviran which was the breathing treatment that required the tent. She had her final dose today at 4pm. Dree is so excited that part is over!!!
Okay so those of you who know me, well you know I have a very competitive side. So in the transplant wing we are allowed to decorate our (IV)poles. It's one of those things that we can have fun with and one of the few things we can control! So let the decorating begin, we've seen a few and plan to outdo them all!!! I'll post a picture of our pole when we are done. Wish us luck!! Dree started painting, She is so cute she made me go get some supplies. She is really enjoying it.
We got some flowers today and a twilight movie. Thank you everyone, we love you all and miss you all so much!! I am so amazed at how God works. We got a nurse who graduated from APU and attended CCV in high school. I've gotten 4 or 5 calls from local believers who have friends that attend CCV. God is amazing and so are all the people he uses to encourage us. She got such a boost from Pastor Jeff and all the cards, and emails and guestbooks emails. She knows she isn't alone, or forgotten. She is seeing God move and stands back in awe. Yes, she pouts and gets sad, and yes sometimes she thinks this sucks but all in all she is okay. All the nurses love her. God asked her to share her faith with one of the nurses, so I'll let you guys know, how that turns out because she is being very insistent with this nurse so I am sure God has a purpose. She loves to share her faith but never imposes it but she is being pretty persistent with this particular nurse,so we will see what exciting, unexpected outcome we get.
She is so 14, sometimes I tend to forget because her faith makes her so mature but I was reminded as we watched the sermon online on Sunday and she screeched so loud "OH MY GOSH MOM, did you see, Jeremiah Mullins is wearing my bracelet!!!!! He didn't take it off mom!!! She is so funny!
We won't know were we are in the transplant process until we confirm the negative, also we are waiting on another CT scan, and Pulmonary function test next week. Once the results come back from those test we will sit down with the doctors and review our plan going forward. Please continue to pray for Gods will in our lives and his presence. We miss you all!!! We love you guys, and may God bless you all!!! I apologize for the rant and scattered thoughts. I wanted to give you all an update but I'm also really tired. Good night and have a great weekend everyone!
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness ,nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.
Psalms 91:5-7
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Meanwhile what?
He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
Job 8:21 NLT
Meanwhile what? What shall we do while we are in the valley waiting for the miracle? Obviously depression, doubt and guilt are in very fertile ground in the valley. How do you stop these emotions from growing like deadly weeds in your heart. You pray, then when you think you can't pray anymore you stop and pray some more...
So I haven't updated in a bit, guess when your in the valley sometimes its hard to share, hard to get out of self. So I apologize to all of you who have called and text and I haven't responded. I'm sorry.
It's been a pretty rough week. We are hospitalized now and it seems that we will be here for the duration of our stay. Dree hates being confined to the hospital, she can handle a busy day. She can run around from hospital to clinic and back. So when we got a call saying she had 2 active viruses and we needed to meet the doctors at the hospital and we would be there to stay, Well she cried.
The gleam in her eyes and her brilliant smile have been gone. She asked me why God hates her. I responded with encouragement, and she said "your my mom, it's your job to tell me God loves me".
The transplant will be delayed by a few weeks. They have to give her a full course of antibiotics to treat the viruses. They won't biopsy the mass in her lungs until the viruses are gone. They don't want to put her under while she is sick. So we wait, and then wait some more. She is in isolation. She isn't allowed to leave her room. She has to do a breathing treatment under a tent for 2 hours every 8 hours. My little girl is weary... she is sick and tired of being sick and tired. We miss home, we miss our family and our friends. So we pray... and pray some more.
Job 8:21 NLT
Meanwhile what? What shall we do while we are in the valley waiting for the miracle? Obviously depression, doubt and guilt are in very fertile ground in the valley. How do you stop these emotions from growing like deadly weeds in your heart. You pray, then when you think you can't pray anymore you stop and pray some more...
So I haven't updated in a bit, guess when your in the valley sometimes its hard to share, hard to get out of self. So I apologize to all of you who have called and text and I haven't responded. I'm sorry.
It's been a pretty rough week. We are hospitalized now and it seems that we will be here for the duration of our stay. Dree hates being confined to the hospital, she can handle a busy day. She can run around from hospital to clinic and back. So when we got a call saying she had 2 active viruses and we needed to meet the doctors at the hospital and we would be there to stay, Well she cried.
The gleam in her eyes and her brilliant smile have been gone. She asked me why God hates her. I responded with encouragement, and she said "your my mom, it's your job to tell me God loves me".
The transplant will be delayed by a few weeks. They have to give her a full course of antibiotics to treat the viruses. They won't biopsy the mass in her lungs until the viruses are gone. They don't want to put her under while she is sick. So we wait, and then wait some more. She is in isolation. She isn't allowed to leave her room. She has to do a breathing treatment under a tent for 2 hours every 8 hours. My little girl is weary... she is sick and tired of being sick and tired. We miss home, we miss our family and our friends. So we pray... and pray some more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)